What Kind of Monster Are You?

Mirrors. With them, we can see ourselves as we are. Without them, delusion can set it. Perhaps that’s why the mirror plays such a significant role in Night of the Living Dead Christian by Matt Mikalatos. Transformation can only be possible when we acknowledge what we are and thus the need for transformation. Which brings up the question: what kind of monster (or the remnants thereof) lurks in you?

Using the extra material in the back of Night of the Living Dead Christian (“Are You a Monster?”), here are some questions to consider—if you dare.

Monster Quiz

Rate each of the following statements from 1 (never) to 10 (always).

1. You hate social interactions of any kind.

2. Visiting missionaries and sermons on tithing make you uncomfortable.
3. You are given to outbursts of anger or irritability.
4. When you have a question, you have one person you turn to.
5. You move onto the next relationship because you’re getting nothing out of the current one.
6. Dealing with the cold hard facts is easier than people and their emotions.
7. You rely on complex and extravagant language to convey your thoughts.
8. You have the answers to any problem you face.
9. You can’t wait to pass along something you “happened” to hear about.
10. You find yourself frequently saying of restrictions, “That doesn’t apply to me.”
11. You are regularly offended because someone won’t take your word for something you heard.
12. You disapprove of those who don’t do things like you do.
13. Conversations not focused on activities that you’re involved in bore you.
14. The church is too institutionalized.
15. You feel that people don’t appreciate all the great things you’ve achieved in the past.
16. When someone criticizes you, you automatically dismiss it, saying, “They don’t understand.”
17. You are most easily motivated when tangible rewards are involved.
18. You preferred method of worship is through the internet or television.
19. You become irritated with others’ irrational and illogical responses.
20. You’re good at adapting to avoid danger or getting into trouble.
21. You are miffed when someone questions a leader, belief, movement, etc. you adhere to.
22. You wrestle with overwhelming, instinctual urges that are difficult to control.
23. You attract a large crowd of followers/listeners, proving you have something important to say.
24. When your suggestions are rejected or ignored, you feel misunderstood by those around you and that your work is not appreciated.
25. Organizations are not to be trusted.
26. You satisfy your cravings by giving into them.
27. Goals and objectives are king.
28. When newcomers rebel against something you are doing, you scold them for not giving you proper respect and dismiss their objections with, “If they had known me in the past…”
29. You linger around conversations you are not really a part of.
30. You have impressive plans of how to fix the world.
31. You worry what will happen to your stuff, even when you give it away.

If you have a high score for questions 10, 16, and 23, beware of gravity: you have some of the symptoms of a Gargantuan.

If you have a high score for questions 9, 11, and 29, watch your step: even Invisible People leave tracks.

If you have a high score for questions 8, 24, and 30, step away from the lab: you show signs of a Mad Scientist.

If you have a high score for questions 7, 15, and 28, you might want to skip seeing the Pyramids—you might be mistaken for a Mummy.

If you have high scores for questions 6, 19, and 27, pack an oil can in case of a rainstorm; you might be a Robot.

If you have high scores for questions 1, 14, 18, and 25, buy an extra can of shaving cream; the hairiness of a Sasquatch is showing.

If you have high scores for questions 2, 17, and 31, don’t make friends with billy goats; they generally don’t mix well with Trolls.

If you have high scores for questions 5, 13, and 20, you need more time in the sun; your pale skin might be betraying you for a Vampire.

If you have high scores for questions 3, 22, and 26, time to dodge a silver bullet—there’s indications of a Werewolf within.

If you have high scores for questions 4, 12, and 21, check for a green tint to your skin: a Zombie might lurking.