A Professional What?!

Yes, you read that right. This blog is by a professional liar. No, I’m not a con-artist, politician, or lawyer. I’m a novelist.

So why don’t I say that? I suppose "professional liar" sounds more interesting to me, not to mention the fascinating reactions from other people. Besides, it accurately describes my work, doesn’t it? I spend my days telling stories about people that don’t exist and things that didn’t occur. More than that, I want—no, I expect—a few gullible people to believe every word I wrote. At least for a few hours.

Of course, I was always taught that whatever I do, do with all my might. So I don’t spin any old web of stories. I shoot for the extravagant, the outrageous, the fantastical: I tell stories not only about nonexistent people and counterfeit events, but most of my stories are also set in places that aren’t there at times that haven’t happened. Or didn’t happen. Or will never happen. So you might say I’m a professional liar specializing in out-of-this-world tales.

And that’s what I do. Beyond that, I’m a pretty normal person. Or at least semi-normal. After all, someone who spends her days talking to imaginary people will probably tend toward a slightly warped perspective of reality.

But I still like to eat popcorn with my movies (Beauty and the Beast, anyone? I can almost quote it), and go camping with my family. Love chocolate, a very necessary—perhaps the most necessary—tool of any writer. Fought more fights than I can count with my younger sister. Hate zits. Can make a whopper of a banana split. Attended school from kindergarten through 12th grade and usually complained loudly about it (although Mom, who was my teacher most of those years, paid absolutely no attention to it).

I also enjoy a good snowball fight. Occasionally sing in the shower. Think Charlie Epps (Numb3rs) is cute and drove the car into the ditch when I learned to drive. Collect stuff by Precious Moments®, Thomas Kinkade, Norman Rockwell, and Disney. Had stitches twice, though no broken bones (yet). Find Bible translation and theological discussions fascinating. Okay, maybe that last one isn’t quite normal, but nobody’s perfect.

So I guess I could say that, in a squeeze, I’m just like you. Of course, that might just be another of my tall tales.

Feet on the ground, head in the clouds,
Chawna Schroeder