Wednesday, November 5, 2008

More Than I Can Ask or Imagine

I push send and flop back in my chair. The email was short. No more than a half-dozen paragraphs. Yet my heart pounds as if I just ran a footrace.

My friend assured me that it would be okay to query this author for some help. He had seen samples of my work and seemed to like what he saw. He would be happy to give me what I needed, my friend said. Nonetheless, asking for the contact information of his editor made me feel like a newbie looking for a handout. But my most recent rejection left me with few options.

To reward my daring, I munch on a Whopper from my candy stash and wonder what it is that I wanted from this email anyway.

I can almost hear God laugh and ask, “Yes, what is it you want? Really want?”

“I don’t want the author to hate me and see my request as me using him.”

Silence. I squirm.

“Okay, so I’m kind of hoping he will give me some extra help.”

Too vague. Dream. Dream BIG.

I bite my lip. What did I want? “I’d love for him to offer to put a good word in for me with the editor.” There. I said it. Something big, concrete and measurable—I will be able to tell if my request is granted.

God finally seems satisfied.

I open my email a few hours later. An answer from the author already awaits me. My stomach dives for my toes like a frighten child under a bed. Is this good or bad? The mouse arrow hovers over the email for a full minute or more before I dare click on it.

I skim the letter. What is this? My brain, like Jell-o, repels the words. I read them again more slowly.

The author didn’t offer to put in a good word for me or even supply suggestions on how to approach the editor like I requested. He wrote the editor himself and practically pitched my novel for me.

This time I know God is laughing at me, like a father who gave his daughter a brand-new convertible when she asked for an old beater.

Even daring to dream big, I could not dream big enough.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

No comments: